Recently I’ve had people asking me when I’m going to start blogging again, and why I appear to have been ‘away’. So this is me saying hello, and also hopefully my return to the world.
I’ve very much been away, life has a habit of throwing things into the path you’re strolling down. Both good and bad have happened the last several months. I’ve been blissfully in love, which has filled my head with awesome mushy crap. But I’ve also been in a rather dark place. And also without a way of shooting, which puts my head in an even darker place. There have been various other ups and downs, and generally the last several months have been rather confusing. And I really don’t like to write when I’m confused, the words won’t flow right, and nothing makes much sense. So basically the last few months have seen me living ‘normal’ life, and retouching has been my only connection to the creative world, apart from one or two shoots out of my living room when I could borrow a lighting kit from a friend. I enjoy retouching a hell of a lot, I love working on other peoples images, and I’ve received some fantastic work from people recently. I’m excited to show you all once they’re published. There’s also a few editorials I need to scan and show too.
But anyway, yes. I’m back. Hello. Put the kettle on?
I’ve been trying to write this blog post for a while, and a mixture of fear and inability to convey what I wanted has been holding me back. However, I weekly receive requests from people wanting me to further explain my Chemical series, so I figure the interest is there, and I have made no secret of the fact that I have depression, so I guess fear should no longer be an aspect.
So here goes. *takes a deep breath and a long drag of a cigarette*
This was a very personal series for me, and sharing it with you in such depth feels akin to giving part of myself away. It needs to be said, that whilst one chemical may react well with someone’s system, and may be beneficial for their depression, it may not be for someone else. And vice versa. This is by no means a post saying which drugs work/don’t work, it’s purely my own personal experiences of them.
This is a series I’ve simply called ‘Chemical’ and it’s a narrative about my journey through medicating depression, and the side effects that the different chemicals in anti depressants gave me. Finding the right chemicals to treat depression is very hit and miss, sometimes you find the right one straight away, and sometimes, like me, it can be 8 different kinds down the line and you still haven’t found the right one. One day I was sat thinking about all the chemicals that have been given to me by the health system and I thought, “Hey, why not make a photo series out of it” so here are the results, illustrated through makeup and photography.
Sertraline’s brand name is Lustral, and it was the very first chemical to be put to trial in my system. The mixture of chemicals was a complete and total shock to my system, as although I’d been told side effects would happen, I wasn’t expecting them to be so intense. I’ve since come to expect nothing less. Because the side effects took me by surprise, they felt amplified. This brand made my already very pale skin, practically pure white. It also gave me an incredible insomnia that would leave me awake for days at a time, which left me in a state of constant exhaustion. The last of the side effects reflected in this image is an insatiable thirst; no matter how much water I drank, it just wouldn’t go away.
Paroxetine, or Seroxat, is a chemical I found particularly hellish. It has been featured on many news programmes, such as Panorama, due to it’s life sucking, zombie inducing side effects and high suicide count. I found it erased who I was, I became a completely different person, and I have little to no memory of my time on it, except blackness and living in a constant nightmare. The people who knew me at the time do not like to discuss it, as it was so painful for them to watch.
Fluoxetine is commonly known as Prozac. This particular brand was very effective, and calmed my depression down a great deal. But it also reduced every other emotion too. I felt like I was numb, just a walking nothingness, looking through a window.
Amitriptyline is also known as Elavil. This brand made me put on a lot of weight in a very short amount of time. It’s also commonly prescribed as a painkiller, so it left me rather spaced out almost 24/7.
Venlafaxine, or Effaxor, didn’t affect my personality at all, it merely gave me the most mind screaming, brain splitting migraines which would leave me curled in a ball in the dark, vomiting from the sheer amount of pain.
Citalopram, or Celexa, made me incredibly dizzy and confused, I had very little sense of equilibrium and it did absolutely nothing for my depression.
Escitalopram, or Cipralex, was described to me as ‘the stronger sibling of Citalopram’ and was a very simple brand. Pretty much the only side effect it gave me was an incredible exhaustion. I could sleep for 18 hours at a time and still not feel rested. Even when I was awake I was fighting to keep my eyes open.
Duloxetine is also known as Cymbalta. The side effects of this brand are almost entirely physical. They made me feel very pale and washed out, but also gave me an incredible nausea that I’ve never experienced before, as well as near constant hot and cold sweats.
The behind the scenes video was filmed by Matt Frederick, and you can see it here:
And I’m very grateful to Vicki Blatchley, who volunteered to model for me, and let me attack her face with makeup over and over again, that girl is such a trooper!
I seem to start nearly every blog post saying I’m going to update more, but life tends to get in the way! Things have been pretty busy the last month or so, and I have a stack of about 10 blog posts I need to get done on various things, so I WILL get these done, I promise.
This is just a quick(ish) update to squeal about some publications. The first of which is inside a Mamiya brochure for their new DM Systems (which incidentally are the best thing since sliced bread) They even included a quote, does that mean I’m famous now?
Model – Tessa Kuragi
Mask – HMS Latex
They asked me for a quote they could use, but it wasn’t allowed to be funny, rude or sarcastic. It took me about half an hour to write. I had a little bit of a fan girl moment when the brochure arrived, as I turned the page and saw that Marcus Klinko and his partner Indrani are also included in the brochure a few pages after mine.
The next publication is some retouching that I did for photographer Natalie J Watts (check her out, she’s awesome) for the lovely people over at Sunglasses Shop. They sent me a lush pair of Ray Bans along with some copies of the magazine, and I pretty much live in them. My previous beloved Primark sunglasses now lay forgotten on my worktop.
The final publication is for the latest issue of UK Lingerie Buyer, which came out today, and it’s my very first cover (photography wise anyway) so I’m rather stoked! I’m rather happy to see they’re official supports of De Montfort University, as several of my favourite designers have come from there. That place really does breed pure talent.
Model – Sohui
Blindfold – Fraulein Kink
So yeah, that’s the end of that. I plan on getting a scanner soon, so hopefully the next time I have some publications to share the images won’t be crappy mobile phone shots!
In my book, Pretty Twisted Vol I, I wrote a small thanks to a few people that have helped me immense amounts not only in my career, but also in life in general. I had originally written a full page for these people, but I thought it would look to ‘oscars acceptance speech-esque’ (I’d like to thank my parents, God, my first pet goldfish and the guy who sells me caffeine…) so I decided to keep it short and sweet, and then expand on it further here. I figured today is as good a day as any to start, and at the end I shall tell you why!
The first thanks I really need and want to give, is to Matt Frederick. He works at the University I went to, and we met when l was student. He helped me enormously with various digital manipulation techniques as I was attempting a rather adventurous (well, it was for me then anyway) project for a module (the results of which are still on my website here) and from there our friendship grew. It’s now around 5 years later, and I’m honoured to say that he’s one of my best friends. He puts up with my whinging, and I put up with his. We are brutally honest with each other, and always end up laughing. When he’s stupid I tell him to fuck off, and when I’m stupid (this happens most often) he quotes Blackadder at me and threatens to punch me. But apart from our exchange of insults and endless cups of tea (although he whisks it, which I enjoy giggling at), he’s a fellow creative. He’s an excellent photographer, fantastic photo manipulator and he really does need to get behind the camera more often! Look at these awesome images and you will see why.
This guy has helped me with my photography more than anyone ever could. He helps me lift heavy things (or tells me off when I attempt to do it myself, resulting in painkillers having to be knocked back) helps me build sets and problem solve, he gives me tremendous amounts of his time and patience, assists me on shoots, films my shoots for my Mamiya sponsorship, buys me diet coke and sandwhiches when I refuse to admit that my energy is crashing, and he pushes me to remember my motivation and determination when I’m in the bottom of my depression and question why I’m bothering anymore. And he makes the most incredible muffins. So much so, that he has been nicknamed ‘The Muffin Man’ by regulars at the studio.
The reason I’m writing this post today, is threefold.
1) He deserves so much thanks that I don’t even know where to begin. There’s nothing I can do, say or give him to show my gratitude, so this is an attempt at trying to convey my eternal thanks. (Although when I’m rich and famous I’ve promised him his own vineyard in Italy or wherever)
2) It’s his birthday today, and I thought it would be rather nice
3) It’s his birthday today and I thought it would be funny to know how much he will be cringing at this.
Happy Birthday Matt, you absolute legend! Never change.
A few of you may have noticed that I’ve been advertising discounted shoots, my book, and prints for sale lately. Apart from liking to give people pretty things, I do have ulterior motives for this.
I’m moving to a new flat in a few weeks, need to replace my wacom tablet, add extra RAM to my computer and I’m also losing studio access soon, so need to get my hands on some lighting to convert my flat to a studio so I can keep shooting. So yeah, my bank balance is really feeling the squeeze! So this is why, during April and May I’ll be lowering both my photography and retouching rates to a criminally low amount, for the last time ever. After this, my rates will be permanently set. So I suggest that if you want to take advantage of it, do so! I’ve offered ‘sales’ and discounts regularly in the past, but this won’t be happening anymore, and I’m going to be extremely picky about collaborations. My permanent rates won’t be extortionate though, but absolutely not as cheap as I’m currently offering!
I’m also now offering prints on etsy, which you can see here. I currently only have my ‘Chemical‘ series on there, but if you’re interested in buying a print of another image, just let me know and I’ll add it to the shop. All 10×8 inch prints will be £15 with £2 shipping to the UK and £4 shipping to the rest of the world. If you want a larger or smaller print, just ask and I’ll let you know the price.
My book is available to buy here or if you want a signed copy you can contact me directly. You can preview it here…
So, if you’re interested in booking a shoot with me, having me do some retouching for you, or want to buy a print, just send me a mail at info@catherine-day.com with what you’re after and what your budget is and I’ll work something out for you. Feel free to be as cheeky with prices as you like, every little helps right now, and I don’t bite! (unless I’ve run out of tea)
